


be still, my foolish heart

by LexTheMoose



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Getting Together, Kinda, M/M, Shyan Valentine's 2020, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:00:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22724323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexTheMoose/pseuds/LexTheMoose
Summary: Shane is finally ready to fess up to his feelings for Ryan. Or, is he? Well, he’s certainly going for it, just like that, being his best romantic self.It goes as well as expected.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 6
Kudos: 228
Collections: Shyan Valentine's Exchange 2020





	be still, my foolish heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MercurySkies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurySkies/gifts).



> written for the Shyan Valentine’s Exchange 2020 based on the prompts provided by the lovely MercurySkies i really hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it, and it's what you had in mind! ❤
> 
> Find me on tumblr: kingspapercrown.tumblr.com

Valentine's day is nothing but a way to manipulate people into buying overpriced chocolate and plushes that get thrown into the trash most of the time after they got a fifteen minutes fame in an Instagram story. Everyone knows that, Shane knows that.

And he's been actively working in social media for multiple years now, so he's not unfamiliar with the competitiveness of this holiday, it always boils down to who has the shiniest diamond or the biggest bouquet. It's all about the grand gestures, the ones Shane has never been an expert at, to say the least.

And yet, there he is, in a pretty little flower shop, one of the many many more in LA, buying an aforementioned bouquet for his best friend.

Shane thought about it a lot, how he even ended up there, it seemed like a dumb idea as soon he had thought of it, but by the time he questioned it again, he was already climbing into his car, googling the most well-rated flower shops nearby.

He hesitated when he got there, just sitting in the car and clutching at the steering wheel, wondering if this is really the way to go about confessing his feelings. Does Ryan even like flowers? Shane has no goddamn clue. Unsurprisingly, it's one of the topics that never came up between them and he can't just casually text Ryan about such things at the moment.

Ryan is positively one of those people who like grand romantic gestures, Shane knows as much, he's a sappy, romantic idiot, no matter how many times he denies it and it's one of the countless reasons why Shane loves him a whole lot.

And being romantic? That's what Shane is the absolute worst at. He may have been slightly offended whenever Ryan joked about how emotionless he is or called him a robot, but only because it has some amount of truth to it for sure.

He could go up to Ryan, not bother with flowers, or all the frills and put everything on the table. Plain and simple, right? He could do that, if the mere thought of putting their friendship, _their company_ on the line wouldn't send him running, scared shitless.

It makes his stomach twist, and perhaps that's the closest he could ever come to understanding how Ryan feels on whatever location they visit while doing Unsolved. How he felt in Old City Jail. Shane doesn't like to think of that night too much, or the look in Ryan's eyes after they wrapped up the shoot and it was just the two of them in their shared hotel room, nursing beers until the shake of Ryan's hands subsided.

Pouring his heart out, revealing all these feelings he carefully locked away, for years and years even if it would be just Ryan, someone Shane would trust with his entire life, it makes him feel very vulnerable. And Shane doesn't like to be vulnerable.

That's how he ended up with a small assortment of asters peppered with baby's breath, and ghost flowers because Shane thinks Ryan would appreciate the name if nothing else. Not to mention the note attached that Shane doesn't even have his own name written on.

_Secret admirer_ is what he's hiding behind and it's cheesy and most importantly, he's stalling, he knows that. Maybe next time, when he gives Ryan the next gift, he'll reveal himself. Because Shane is so goddamn deep in already, he started planning for the next gift.

For now, Shane hopes Ryan will appreciate this rather cliche way of Shane stumbling his way through confessing his feelings.

\---

Quite frankly, the whole flower delivery went a lot smoother in Shane's head than how it played out later in the office. It was easy, walking in with the bouquet, pretending a delivery gave it to him in front of the building, and that it was for Ryan. Shane was an excellent actor after all, who has perfected his poker face over the course of his life.

He carefully placed the flowers in the arms of Ryan's Paddington bear plush that's sitting on his desk and sat down, pretending his heart isn't going a mile per second.

And then it comes to a screeching halt when Ryan walks in. Shane knows he spotted the flowers immediately, without even looking, he hears Ryan's laughter. It's radiant as ever, which is a good sign, Shane thinks. He's been staring at Photoshop without even opening anything for the past two minutes, which proves that he's not freaking out whatsoever.

"The hell is this? Who did this?" Ryan says, and Shane finally looks up at him, keeping his expression carefully blank, only raising an amused eyebrow as he glances at the flowers.

"I've been told by a delivery guy that it's for you? From a secret admirer," Shane says, his smile growing as he speaks, even daring to give Ryan a little wink.

Ryan blinks at him, lips slightly parted, he seems disoriented for a moment before he snaps his attention back to the flowers. Shane would love to know what the hell that was about, but he gets distracted by the flush on Ryan's face, and how flustered he is suddenly as he picks the note off the wrapper of the bouquet.

"Ghost flowers for the world's cutest ghost hunter. Love, your Secret Admirer." Ryan reads out loud and there is a tired groan from Steven in response. Shane is sympathetic, even though the girl in the flower shop found it incredibly sweet.

Ryan is wheezing, however, he looks delighted even. It sends all the butterflies buck wild in Shane's stomach. Or bats, or whatever those little fuckers may be that made home in there the first time Shane was on the receiving end of one of Ryan's signature sunshine smiles.

And then Shane's heart drops, it crashes straight through the fucking floor.

"Oh man, this is the sweetest thing ever, whoever did it. But this," Ryan starts, pointing at the flowers, "needs to get out of the office, unfortunately, if you guys don't want me sneezing up a storm all day. It's beautiful but I'm very fucking allergic."

"Wish I could thank them for this note, though, it's a funny little note," Ryan says as he's sitting down next to him, and opening his laptop, while Anthony gets rid of the flowers but Shane barely hears any of it. He is quite literally devastated.

Of course, Ryan is allergic to the flowers. He should've thought it through more, without jumping into hasty decisions like a mad man. Such an excellent start of his plan.

"You okay, big guy?" Ryan's voice is what snaps Shane out of his thoughts of admittedly overdramatic self-pity. There is an amused smile on Ryan's face when it comes to focus once again, and maybe a little worry. "Got a little lost in your head there."

"Yeah, just- you know. A lot going on in the old noggin'." He says eventually, finally opening up a picture waiting to be edited in Photoshop. He glances back at Ryan when he hears his snort.

"A lot fits there too. Cause you know it's huge." He says, smile slowly growing into the brightest grin as their eyes meet and Shane cuts him off, mirroring his expression.

"Yes, I get it my head is big. Be fucking original, Bergara." He huffs, but Ryan's giggling afterward what gives him the motivation to try again tomorrow. And also the fact that Ryan didn't throw his note away. It gets to sit on the most honorable places of all, Paddington's lap.

Shane messed up with the flowers, so what? He learned something and he'll just have to come up with something more personal and unique. And well, that might be the challenge Shane would be happy to take on.

\---

It's three in the morning and Shane thinks he might have bitten off more than he can chew. Pun intended because he's looking at some seriously awful looking truffles neatly placed in a gift box. He tried his best to arrange them in an aesthetically pleasing way, but it does little. They still look like he just went through Obi's litter tray.

Shane's exhausted, he has work tomorrow, so he really shouldn't be staying up so late, and not even getting anything productive done, just piping the letters of _From Shane_ in caramel sauce on top of the hot mess in that box. And three hearts because there weren't enough letters. Shane is trying. 

He carefully places the lid of the box on and puts it in the fridge until he has to wake up. He needed a lot of willpower to not make a beeline to the trashcan with it. He just hopes they taste good.

He can hardly sleep, no matter how tired he is, the nerves are twisting his stomach into knots as he runs his hands through Obi's back, curled up next to him.

\---

Shane already gets busted, first thing in the morning. He's having the worst goddamn luck these days. He sleeps through his alarm, he has to struggle through traffic on the way to the office and climb the flight of stairs because they're fixing the elevator.

And still, despite all of those unfortunate events, he's the first person to arrive. Which means he has the time to put the box neatly in Paddington's lap, who turned into a makeshift delivery boy for Shane's presents it seems like.

Shane's about to collapse into his chair in absolute relief, and maybe to catch a quick power nap before everyone arrives when he sees Brittney from the corner of his eyes and he doesn't like the smug grin on her face one bit.

"It was in front of the office." He tries, even though it's a weak attempt, Shane doesn't expect her to believe any of his bullshit.

"Is the front of the office your bag?" She asks, smile growing bigger and Shane laughs, mostly to cover up his embarrassment as he ducks his head.

"Were the flowers from you too?" Brittney spins with her chair to face him as they both settle down at their desks.

"Yeah, that was me too. I got the only thing he's fucking allergic to. I'm not very good at this." Shane admits because it feels good to tell it to someone. He kept those feelings locked up for so long now, Shane almost doesn't mind someone found out about them. It's freeing. And well, Ryan will alsonfind out soon enough. And if that isn't a terrifying thought Shane doesn't know what is. Certainly not ghosts.

"He appreciated the sentiment." She offers, smiling at Shane warmly and he smiles back, immensely grateful for their friends. "So I think you should go for it."

Shane does, at the risk of making a fool of himself, yes, but the possibility of Ryan feeling the same is what makes that risk worth it in Shane's book.

He looks this time, watching for Ryan's reaction and gathering all his courage and coolness even though regret is slowly but surely settling in the pit of his stomach. There are already phrases floating around in his head Shane would have to utter when Ryan eventually turns him down.

And still, the way Ryan's entire face lit up when he saw the little box in Paddington's lap was enough to make his heart stutter and swell with hope.

He didn't even bother taking off his jacket, Shane noted, Ryan went straight for the box, and it's adorable. Shane watches him open it and Ryan's expression does this funny little thing where he seems like he wants to laugh, and is disturbed at the same time.

He looks at Shane like that sometimes, when he says something particularly bizarre and outlandish. Shane usually laughs it off, thrilled by how easily he can make Ryan's face reflect such complicated feelings at the same time. Contrary to that, right now Shane's chest goes tight and huh, is it just him or there is less air in their tiny office suddenly?

"Umm, wow," Ryan says, still staring into the box, the only time Shane sees that puzzled expression on his face is when Ryan is doing some research or trying to make sense of all the official paperwork they had to fill out lately. He thinks it isn't much of a good sign that his friend is looking at his gift like that. Especially because it's something Ryan is supposed to put in his mouth.

"Alright, is one of you pranking me?" He continues, looking around in the office. Shane vaguely catches Anthony exchange looks with Brittney from the corner of his eyes, but none of them say anything except for Steven.

"Why would anyone give you Valentine's day chocolates as a prank?" He asks, raising his eyebrows, getting promptly ignored by Ryan.

"Look me in the eyes Shane and tell me you didn't do this," Ryan says instead, keeping such an intense eye contact with Shane that he actually feels intimidated. He fondly remembers Ryan accusing him of being the grass account on Twitter.

Shane can only hope his face is neutral enough, because his heart abruptly stops, for a fragment of a second to start again, thumping against his ribcage in a rapid pace. Oh no.

"Got nothing to do with it, it was in front of the office door." He says, and he's ridiculously proud of the lack of tremble in his voice. There is nothing that would indicate just how fucking nervous he really is and Ryan seems satisfied with that answer, if not a tiny bit disappointed. To be fair, Shane is probably just seeing things.

"Fine, but I'm watching you. Pun intended. Anyway, I'm not even sure these qualify as chocolates, dude." Ryan says, wheezing, at least not looking disappointed. Yet. And sure, that would've been a hurtful critique if it wasn't true. Shane watches Ryan tilt the box towards him and Steven, so they all can see the pathetically formed truffles with smeared and dropped caramel sauce all over it. Oh.

Well, there is the reason why exactly Ryan's not freaking out on him.

"Ohh, that's looking- that's looking rough, man," Steven says, breaking out in laughter immediately. "Hey, as someone has a fair bit of culinary experience, I'm telling you it might taste good." He offers, before turning back to his computer. "I'm sure as hell not volunteering as the first person to try it though."

"Well, I am." Shane chirps in, out of pure spite. They're decent, his friends are just mean. "They might look like the things I find in Obi's litter tray, but I'm sure they're perfectly good." He scoffs, lips stretching into a bright smile when Ryan laughs, it's one of those laughs that Shane loves the most, the ones that involve Ryan throwing his head back, showing off the line of his throat beautifully.

It leaves Shane's brain fuzzy every single time, he wants nothing more than to kiss his way down Ryan's neck over and over again.

"Sure, be my guest." Ryan sits, turning his chair towards him as he offers the very box Shane picked out a few days ago in a craft store. He needed more puppet supplies anyway.

Shane pops one of the truffles into his mouth without hesitation and sure enough, he comes to the same conclusion he came to last night, it tastes pretty good, although the caramel added just a tad too much sweetness to it.

And it didn't even serve it's intended purpose.

Shane shrugs. "They might be ugly but they're edible. Enjoy your cat poop snack buddy." He says with a snort even though he feels stupidly empty inside. He never should've insulted Valentine's day, Cupid is out to fucking get him now. He's the one he should've feared all along.

Shane's eyes meet Brittney's look of sympathy as he turns with his chair, although it's spoiled by the way she covers her mouth, at least making an attempt at not laughing. Shane can appreciate as much.

Alright, maybe he's approaching the situation completely wrong. Perhaps he should give that whole talking thing a chance even though it scares him shitless. He just has to suck it up and ask Ryan on a date, easy peasy, right?

Shane doesn't think so, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Today might have been a disaster, but tomorrow's where it's at. He can do this.

\---

He absolutely cannot do this.

Not with how big of a fool he made of himself, and it's not even five minutes past eight in the morning.

Shane will just move back to Schaumburg, that's it. Watcher can work without him, the Professor will take his place, or Bigfoot himself!

To be fair, it wasn't that huge of an accident, nothing that would elicit such a dramatic response, but Shane's just about at his wit's end with this fucking week.

He planned it all out. He'd be early when it's just the two of them in the office, he knows Ryan works early, so Shane willed himself out of bed too, had a quick run to a nearby coffee shop and he was as determined as he felt when building that little puppet theater.

Up until he walked up behind Ryan, which was a terrible idea in hindsight, he should know not to sneak up on the guy who listens to the soundtrack of The Conjuring for fun and has noise-canceling headphones on for the majority of a workday.

Of course, Ryan jumps like a startled cat as soon as Shane gently places a hand on his shoulder. And of fucking course he ends up rolling his chair back, hitting Shane's knee directly who ends up folding over with a yelp and dumping all of the still considerably hot coffee all over Ryan's lap.

He didn't even get to see the heart Shane requested the barista to draw on it.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry." Shane had said, slowly but surely dying inside. Why did this feel like he embarrassed himself in front of his crush in high school?

"You should know goddamn well not to sneak up on me, Shane!" Ryan says, somewhere between laughing and looking as mortified as Shane feels.

"I wasn't sneaking, I just arrived! Did you think I'm a damn ghost or what?" Shane scoffs, he's vaguely aware of how much his face is burning. Probably not as much as Ryan's thighs were like half a minute ago but oh well.

"This building could be haunted for all we know, so shut it. I uhh- I think I have some spare pants in my bag. No shirt though, so I should probably just go home and change at this point. Ah shit."

"I have a spare plaid. I left it here the other day but it's clean. Definitely doesn't have coffee dumped all over it at least." Shane speaks weakly. 

Ryan almost looks like a deer in the headlights as soon as Shane's suggestion settles in. "Yeah- sure. Why not." He laughs and it throws Shane back to the filming of the Sally House episode. When he told Ryan to go back in there. His laughter sounded just as nervous.

Shane is almost grateful when Ryan disappears into the bathroom, with Shane's shirt and his spare pants thrown over his arm. He lets his had fall on his desk as he sinks into his chair and lets out a groan.

He can't just confess to Ryan now, it'd be nowhere near romantic and grand enough.

As he lifts his head, ready to get some editing done at least as he wallows in self-pity for the rest of the day his eyes catch a very blue piece of paper sitting on his desk.

Oh?

It's a card, a Valentine's day card to be exact. That's evident from the words 'I am going to murder you with hugs and kisses' written across a big red heart containing a drawing of Jason Vorhees.

It's the silliest thing Shane has ever seen and it elevates his day immediately. He finds himself grinning from ear to ear at this stupid one dollar card and his smile only brightens when he actually opens it up and sees the handwritten note inside. Cleverly, in all caps.

**GHOSTS ARE REAL, YOU'RE JUST MEAN**

Shane laughs so hard he almost drops the fucking card.

It gets tucked behind the succulent Ryan bought him, apparently feeling bad about shutting his liftable desk on the other one.

Now it just looks like Jason is peaking through the leaves of the succulent and it makes Shane chuckle.

The fact that Ryan gave this to him has his heart doing little flips in his chest. Because obviously, it's from Ryan. Shane didn't even need to open it to know, who else would be such a huge nerd in Shane's life after all, but that little note was a dead give away nonetheless.

Still, that doesn't mean he's into Shane. It's just a funny card Ryan probably saw when he was out, doing whatever and thought of Shane or Unsolved so he bought it.

His chest has no right getting so warm at the thought of such small things reminding Ryan of him.

Shane knows he made the second mistake of the day when he sees Ryan come back.

"It's a little long but it'll do," he says, and Shane turns around to take a look, his mouth goes dry in a split second.

He should've expected that the sight of Ryan in his shirt will do things to him, but the arousal he gets hit with is on a whole other level.

All he can do is stare numbly, apparently speechless for so long that Ryan quirks an eyebrow at him. At least he looks amused about it.

"Did I just fry your brain, big guy?" He asks and Shane wants to kiss that smug smile off his face. Instead, he scoffs, placing his headphones back on his head, rather clumsily. The slight shake to his hands is enough of a confirmation for Ryan.

"Sure, because you look like a dork in that." He huffs, muffled by the hand covering his mouth, acting like the process of opening After Effects is a task that requires intense focus.

"So, you found the card," Ryan trails off, it's more of a statement than a question and Shane follows his gaze at Cartoon Jason, peeking over the plant.

"I did, yes! Whoever wrote that note is very wrong, but I always appreciate a romantic little murking, you know that. But you could be more creative." He answers the usual shit-eating grin is back on his face. 

"Why do you even think it was me?" Ryan scoffs, rolling forward with his chair, Shane takes note of how he studies his palm, as if something was there when in fact there isn't. It's a telltale sign of Ryan being flustered or embarrassed.

"Please, only you would write something like that."

"Fine, you got me. It's a funny card, that's all," He murmurs and Shane relishes in the sight of his flushed cheeks.

"Yes, death is indeed humourous." Shane deadpans, letting out a wheeze when Ryan's palm sharply connects with his shoulder.

"Shut the fuck up, Shane! Throw it out if you don't want it."

"I do, I do want it. Thank you, Ryan."

It's one of the rare occasions when Shane allows his voice to go soft, and genuine. As Ryan said in one of the extra videos, it's not common that they're so genuine with each other, mostly due to Shane's inability to share his feelings as Ryan does.

It's almost like they're polar opposites in this regard, Ryan letting himself feel freely and loudly, unashamed and Shane locks it them up in his chest, turning them, analyzing and being very selective about what he lets show. He'd always rather go over the top, goofy and loud on camera, but it's rarely who he is in real life.

It's a habit he fell into ever since he was little, and Ryan is breaking that habit bit by bit, making Shane laugh loud, even when he's surrounded by people he doesn't know, his shyness takes a backseat when he's with Ryan like they have their own little world where no one and nothing can reach them.

Shane doesn't believe in soulmates necessarily, but if anything like that were to exist, Ryan is the only person he'd consider to be qualified for the position.

Ryan tries to hide his smile as he's turning to his laptop, going back to work like he isn't ruining Shane's life more and more with every minute with his mere existence in that shirt. Or existence in general. He has never had such a distracted day before, and he's pretty sure the footage he's attempting to edit suffers that, but it's nothing he can't fix tomorrow.

Trying to fix all the ways he failed to ask Ryan out in these last few days? Well, that might be another story.

\--

Shane learned his lesson, fuck trying to be romantic. Clearly, it isn't working for him. All he did the next day was bought Ryan the biggest bag of jelly beans they had on his way to work and printed a note on it. They're pink even because absolutely everything has to be pink and red when the 14th is approaching.

_I'm sorry all my attempts sucked. A little ghost told me you like jelly beans, so all of this is yours. I'm so tired. - love, your Secret Skeptic Admirer_

Fuck Valentine's day.

He was still too much of a coward to sign it with his own name, he's just waiting for Ryan to figure it out. At this point how didn't he already? Shane would've never thought his friend would be so oblivious for someone who spends weeks researching a True Crime episode and piecing together theories.

Some detective brain he has...

To Shane's surprise, there is already a package on his desk. It's wrapped in bright pink wrapping paper, badly, but the thin yellow ribbon keeps it together as well as makes it look pretty charming.

There is a little note on top of it too. He is about to pick it up, when Ryans voice cuts through the silence of the office, startling him.

"Don't look at that yet!"

"Uh, okay? Is this from you?" Shane looks at him, putting the note aside and picking up the package. It's flat and soft. Maybe a shirt?

"Well, yeah. Before you open it, i feel the need to explain that I just saw this and had to buy it. And you will absolutely despise me for it." Ryan tells him when he stops next to him and Shane only just realizes how flushed he looks.

"Sounds like an excellent gift, thank you so much, Ryan." Shane deadpans, and Ryan answers with a wheeze despite his nerves.

"Just open it, asshole."

Shane does, and part of him is incredibly embarrassed, and the other part is too busy laughing his ass off.

It's a simple black underwear with red text on the front of it that simply says 'CAUTION' and 'CHOKING HAZARD" under it. It's one of the dumbest things anyone ever got for him, but Shane can't stop wheezing, face all flushed from embarrassment.

"Ryan! What the actual fuck?" Is all he can manage at the moment, still looking at the pair of boxers.

Ryan keeps giggling with him too, putting a hand on Shane's shoulder and slightly leaning into his space.

"Look, man, I had to! After we did the whole bone bit in last week's episode I impulse bought this when I saw it. It was a worthy investment, seeing the look on your face." Ryan explains, with the brightest of smiles and Shane is once again hit with how much he loves him.

"Good god, Ryan. You're such a weirdo, do you know that?" He asks eventually, it comes out much softer, much fonder than he intended and Ryan is still leaning on him and they're holding each other's gaze, so close.

"Takes one to know one, big guy," Ryan answers, and Shane can practically feel his breath on his face. His heartbeat picks up and he's about to lean in, risk everything when the door opens and Ryan is flinching away from him like a startled cat.

Shane loves Steven he really does but would it have been so hard to wait five more minutes?

"What in the world do you have there, Madej?" He asks, and Shane laughs it off because Ryan is already sitting down at his desk, the moment between them is gone.

He still catches Ryan's smile as he takes the bag, and carefully puts the note where it belongs, in Paddington's lap.

Shane only hopes he won't be disappointed when he finds out.  
\--  
"So, do you have a date for tonight? Did the ol' Bergermeister score someone for Valentine's day?" Shane asks, cringing a little bit on the inside. Thank fuck, he can be all casual about it, even though Ryan gives him a funny look as he bites into his burrito.

They just got lunch delivered and Shane barely even touched his, because his stomach keeps doing turns. He's going to do it now, he'll ask Ryan out.

"I do, actually. I scored a very special someone. Well, I hope." Ryan says, and-

Oh.

There is this shine to his eyes Shane doesn't know what to do with, but his brain isn't functioning properly at the moment either. Shane feels like he's going to be sick and he smiles, to cover it up but it's not quite right. Nothing feels quite right.

He fucked up, he missed his opportunity and now Ryan is having a date and Shane will most likely end up in his apartment tonight with like two bowls of popcorn and a tub of Ben and Jerry's, like the most cliche of a person in a sappy romantic movie.

"You okay, dude? You're a little pale." Ryan leans closer to him, actually seeming concerned.

"Yeah, I think I'm just coming down with something. I'll finish this later." Shane murmurs, putting his lunch away and standing up before Ryan could ask further questions.

"Just gonna- go back to work. Enjoy your date tonight. And you know if you get stood up, I'm gonna be home." Shane snorts, softly, he only realizes now that he's clutching at the fabric of his coat so hard, his knuckles are going white.

And that's that, Shane supposes, as he does exactly what he planned on doing, only being able to finish half of the ice cream, but he still feels incredibly empty inside.

He does not look forward to Ryan's sunshine expression the next day, no matter how much he loves it, because it'll be because of his fantastic date Shane wanted to take him on, but he was the world's biggest dumbass and let it slip away from him.

However, Ryan does not smile the next day. In fact, he looks more miserable than when they were neck-deep in the stress of starting a company.

Shane often saw him grumpy, after he worked hours at night, accidentally deleted hours of edited footage, but this time, it's different.  
It's different because it's targeted at Shane.

He can't remember Ryan ever giving him the cold shoulder, not even when they got into actual, serious arguments over ghosts, Watcher or Unsolved. They could always joke it off, or on more rare occasions talk about it.

But now, it feels like no matter how careful Shane tries to be like he always is when Ryan is having a bad day, it's simply not working. Ryan doesn't even stop looking at him like he kicked his dog when Shane buys him lunch.

They both get into the office early the next day, way earlier than anyone else would, but well Shane wanted to catch up on some work he couldn't get done the day before, too disoriented by trying to figure out what he did wrong.

His brain keeps circling back to the possibility that Ryan figured it out, he realized Shane was the one leaving him all the gifts. That thought terrified him, but at the same time, they can't go on like this. Steven noticed, everyone else in the office did, too polite to say anything, but the tension in the room was a lot to bear.

If they start filming like this the viewers will notice, and nobody wants that. They can't bring their drama I to the show, so Shane will be the brave one when it comes to feelings for once, he decided that morning. And well, he got the perfect opportunity when Ryan walked in, shortly after he arrived, stopping in the doorway when he saw that Shane is already in.

Shane stood still also, letting a few seconds tick by as Ryan slowly came inside and then Shane spoke before his brain could even process he did.

"Why do you hate me?" He asks, and wow, it came out way more dramatic than he intended it to. "I mean, did I do something? I'm sorry if I did. If it's about Valentine's day-" he starts but Ryan talks over him, his eyes harden and it's enough to shut Shane up.

"I clearly told you when to come to my place. You could've just sent a text that I misunderstood everything and you don't want to, you know," he blurts out and sheepishly rubs at his neck and looks down, like his shoes are suddenly very interesting. He probably didn't mean to unleash all of that, but it's clear he's been bottling it up. 

All Ryan's anger disappears like it came, quickly, leaving a vague look of sadness behind. 

"But you left me hanging and it hurts. I thought we were friends." He lifts his gaze to Shane again and Shane feels like an entire dumbass.

"Oh, the note," he mutters, glancing towards his bag where the note is, somewhere in the mess of his stuff. Unopened. And Shane knows it's the wrong thing to say, because Ryan gets this bewildered look on his face, like when Shane is including him in the taunting of the ghosts on location.

"Shane! You read the fucking note, right?" He says and Shane wants to laugh, but Ryan is also being actually serious right now, it's a rare occasion so Shane behaves.

"I might have forgotten to read the note." Shane answers eventually, calm as a cucumber. Only from the outside, of course.

"You- You fucking asshole, do you even know what I went through last night?" Ryan's voice breaks, but he's laughing, at least, that somewhat eases the guilt gripping at Shane's heart.

"I- Just had a lot going on in my head, alright? Between filming and editing and trying to work up the courage to ask you out, it all pushed the note to the back on my mind."

Shane reaches out, to cup Ryan's face in one hand, taking in the gentle surprise on his face and then his smile, it's one of the ones that always melts Shane from the inside.

"So you did want to ask me out!" 

"Of course I wanted to, Ryan! I thought you would've figured out by the notes it was me, but I guess I'm not the only dense one in this relationship." Shane huffs, still smiling in contrast to his words.

"Oh, but I did know. I figured it out after the chocolate and the way you looked at me after I changed into your shirt kind of confirmed it? I almost said fuck the plan and kissed you right there." Ryan goes quiet, pressing his face into Shane's palm and looking at him, expectantly.

"Wait- Excuse me? What?" Ryan lets out a full-body laugh, but it's not the time to be giggling, adorable as it is, Shane is completely gobsmacked.

"Why didn't you say anything if you knew it was me? This entire week was awful, I kept messing everything up."

Ryan has the audacity to simply shrug as if he doesn't care, but Shane can tell, from the way he's worrying his bottom lip between his teeth that he does in fact care, a lot.

"I wanted us to have a nice night. I made my living room all pretty with fairy lights and made popcorn and ordered dinner from your favorite Thai place. I planned the coziest date ever, and when you didn't show up, didn't even bother sending me a text you don't want to come, I was- I was devastated, Shane."

Ryan's voice goes soft by the end but he's holding Shane's gaze, not trying to hide anymore. There it is, the guilt, making Shane's chest ache. So he leans down, pressing his lips to Ryan's, gently at first and when Ryan moves against him and his arms wrap around Shane's waist he starts kissing him more insistently, still pressing little kisses to the corner of Ryan's mouth, even when he needs to pull back for a bit of air.

"Shit, I'm so sorry. I am the fool here. The biggest one between the two of us, at least."

"I agree, you're a real doofus." Ryan nods, with the most precious smile Shane has ever seen and he finally has the permission to kiss it off. So he does, tugging Ryan closer in the process and Ryan goes, clinging to him, pressing their lips together as if their life depends on it.

Shane almost laughs at the fact that he has to stand on his tiptoes to reach Shane's lips.  
The kiss is ridiculously soft, Shane can't get enough of it, he almost can't believe they're doing this, after how big of a mess that whole week has been.

And then Ryan pulls him down, more eagerly, tongue dipping into Shane's mouth and Shane's brain short circuits, he doesn't even care how his neck already starts to get sore because of their height difference.

Ryan does care, apparently, because a pair of strong hands grab ahold of Shane's hips and start nudging him towards the couch in their office. And oh, Shane had no idea Ryan manhandling him could be such a big turn on, but today is full of surprises, isn't it?

Shane lets himself fall back on the cushions when the back of his knees hit the edge, and Ryan doesn't waste any time to climb in his lap, squirming around, making Shane quietly gasp against his lips, until he's comfortable.

Ryan barely eases up, not even when they need air, being as eager as Shane himself feels like. They both pant into each other's mouth for a second before diving back for more, pressing their lips together in the messiest, open-mouthed, most _wonderful_ kiss Shane has ever experienced. The fact that it's happening with Ryan out of all people, most certainly adds to it.

Shane's hands slide up Ryan's thighs, stopping to give a squeeze to his ass, relishing in Ryan's choked out half-moan when he kneads his cheeks, they fit so perfectly in his hands. He keeps exploring, hands sliding under Ryan's light violet hoodie, the one Shane loves ever since he first saw Ryan wearing.

He strokes up his stomach, a soft breath of air escapes his mouth as he feels Ryan's abs under his fingertips. And a few seconds later Shane can barely breathe. When both his index fingers brush over Ryan's nipples he jerks in his lap, hips grinding down on Shane, and Shane can feel just how hard Ryan is already. He's the same, nearly ever since they started, so he really has no room to talk.

It is a problem though, because they're in public, in their fucking office, on the couch they record _Weekly_ s on. Shane should stop, they're both grown-ass men, not horny teenagers, they should be able to keep it together until they inevitably end up in one of their apartments.

And yet- Shane is too busy, fascinated by how strongly Ryan reacted to his nipple being barely touched to give a flying fuck about responsibilities and rational thoughts.

So he does it again, pushing Ryan's hoodie up to his collarbone so he can see. He starts stroking Ryan's nipples, feeling them get hard under his fingertips, his gaze is jumping between them and his face, Ryan's slightly parted lips, his dark eyes and flushed cheeks wreck Shane a little inside.

"You weren't kidding about sensitive you are here, huh?" He murmurs, voice rough around the edges and Ryan laughs, softly, looking just as wrecked.

"Maybe it's because you're the one touching them, did you not think of that, big guy?"

He says, sending a thrill down Shane's spine and he has the audacity to put on such a teasing tone, so Shane tugs on his nipples ever so slightly, and Ryan's hips grind down again as he cries out, beautifully. Shane thrusts up, meeting him halfway, and they're kissing again.

But then Ryan is sliding out of his lap and Shane reaches for him, chasing after his mouth, and trying to tug him back, with his hands on Ryan's hips, already missing the warmth of him against Shane's body.

"Let me take care of you, Shane," Ryan says, and the quiet seriousness of his voice covers Shane in goosebumps from head to toe, he'd readily follow Ryan anywhere if he would ask like that.

So he just nods, too numb and aroused to even say anything, not with Ryan looking so gorgeous, with his lips kissed red, hair going every direction and the shine of his eyes, that's what gets him the most. Shane sinks his fingers into his slightly longer strands, he's been dying to, ever since Ryan started growing it out too. Shane doesn't even have to wonder who influenced him to do so. It's like the mustaches, the matching boots, or Ryan dancing for the ghosts in the Viper Room after Shane did.

They haven't even been together but they're already like a married couple, almost doing everything together, following the other with unconditional trust and Shane's heart sings at the thought of it, the thought of Ryan truly being soulmate if such things exist. Shane would love to find out.

"You okay?" Ryan asks when Shane focuses on him again, shutting out his wandering thoughts, because it's really not the time when Ryan is kneeling between his legs now, looking at him _like that_. "Seemed a little out of it there for a sec."

"I guess you just look too good between my legs. Nearly fried all my brain cells." Shane hums, and Ryan gives him a brilliant grin that only grows when his palm ghosts over the front of Shane's pants, barely touching his hard-on, but Shane makes a _noise_ and his hips buck into Ryan's hand.

"Someone's eager." Ryan keeps teasing, which he really seems to enjoy, Shane notes. Well, that's fair, he supposes, Ryan is only getting back at him for earlier.

"Someone is being a little shit. We're literally in the office, by the way, might I remind you." Shane says, when he finally realizes what the fuck they're doing at 7:30 in the morning, in public. When anyone could walk in. His dick particularly likes that thought, it gives a little twitch, even though it's really not the time to be discovering new kinks right now.

"Nobody will be here until nine." Ryan retorts, somehow calm and collected about having sex on the grey couch they will record plenty more _Watcher Weekly_ s on. And somehow, Shane gets okay with it surprisingly quickly. Well, Ryan finally starting to palm him through his jeans with intent might have helped to convince him.

"Still, we should probably hurry up." Ryan continues, with that shine in his eyes Shane couldn't place a few days earlier, but it's pure mischief. Pure Little Shit Energy if you will. And Shane doesn't even have time to finish that thought, because Ryan is already pulling his zipper down.

And he's laughing. He's laughing so hard, he can barely breathe.

Normally, Shane would find it equal parts offensive and endearing, but he knows exactly why Ryan is laughing. He's wearing Those pair of boxers. The one Ryan gave him the day before.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're wearing these. They were an ironic gift!" He wheezes on another fit of wheezes when he looks down at Shane's crotch and now Shane's getting a little impatient.

"Look, it's surprisingly comfortable for something so cheap yet so overpriced, so can we get a move on?"

So Ryan shuts up and indeed moves on, still sporting a huge grin on his face.

"Holy shit," Shane sucks in a sharp breath, when Ryan grabs both his pants and underwear and tugs it down in one swift motion, not wasting any time at all to get a hand around his newly freed cock and give it a slow stroke, all the way up to the tip where Shane has started leaking already.

"Yeah, holy shit, _you're so big_. The boxers were right."

"Shouldn't comment on a guy's size the first time, didn't you know that? And please stop mentioning the boxers, or so help me," Shane huffs out a soft breath of air, trying to sound annoyed and failing, too distracted by Ryan's hand, that still hadn't eased up, and oh god, his mouth is so close.

"T'wasn't a comment, it's a compliment. Lift, your legs for me, big guy," he asks and Shane mindlessly obeys him, pulling up his legs slightly, and opening them for Ryan, giving him some space to work with.

"Not even a please or a thank- _fuck_ ," Shane hisses, cutting himself off when Ryan starts pressing open-mouthed kisses to the inside of his thighs, and carefully sinking his teeth into the sensitive skin before sucking a mark there like they're in high school. And fuck it if Shane doesn't love every second of it. He immediately loses, his train of thought, arching into Ryan's mouth as it hovers over the head of his dick.

Ryan is absolutely not having it though, Shane realizes because his hands move from where they were resting on Shane's knees to wrap around his hips and hold him down. Just firmly enough so Shane can't squirm and he really _feels_ it, but still just on the edge of it actually hurting.

Shane absolutely loves it, there is that thrill, rolling through him again, and Ryan doesn't miss his expression, how truly gone he probably looks.

They only just began and Shane is already close when Ryan wraps his lips around him, only teasing, yet, trailing soft kisses down the length of it, pressing his tongue against his skin in the process, with the sole purpose of driving Shane insane.

When Ryan finally starts going down on him properly, that's when Shane's thoughts scatter, and all he can focus on is the wet heat of Ryan's mouth from then on. Shane's hands tighten in his hair, tugging slightly and Ryan moans around him wonderfully.

It's over embarrassingly quickly, all it takes is Ryan sliding down his length slightly more, still being unable to take all of his cock. But it's just enough so he can feel it hit the back of Ryan's throat and Shane cries out, a jumbled noise of curses and Ryan's name, trying to warn him.

Ryan eases up then, reserving to only wrap his lips around the head, licking just under the head, finding that perfect spot that makes Shane's spine melt, and his thighs tremble. All the while Ryan has a hand wrapped around him, working a steady, relentless pace.

"That's it, Shane. Come for me." Is what _actually_ does it for him, Ryan's voice, dipped low and he comes, harder than ever, he nearly blacks out. He remembers muttering Ryan's name though and something along the lines of _Don't stain the couch_. Ryan's soft laughter is not the sexiest thing to hear while he's riding his orgasm out, but Shane wouldn't have it any other way.

While Shane was slowly blinking back to reality Ryan climbed back into his lap, and Shane takes note of how hard he is in those awful skinny jeans Shane loves. They need to do something about that soon because Shane wants his hands around Ryan's cock, ASAP. Or more, if they have the time.

"I love you," Shane says, it slips out, just like that, his brain isn't exactly caught up yet with the happenings, so it's easy. _So easy._ Is this what he worried over for weeks? For *months*?

Shane feels like a whole idiot. Although, it's easy, Shane thinks, when Ryans smile is so bright it lits up the entire room. Or it could be the rising of the sun, hitting him in a perfect angle through the big windows of their office.

Either way, it's perfect, Ryan is perfect and beautiful and _his_. Shane has never been happier in his entire life, he's certain.

"I love you too, big guy. Are you always so sappy after a blowjob?" He adds, teasingly because that's just the way they are, one of them might actually die if they would attempt to be genuine with each other. And that's alright because they don't need it, it's written in the half-moons of Ryan's eyes, the pure adoration Shane also feels towards him.

And this beautiful moment, it's all spoiled when Shane moves his hand by an inch, to cup Ryan's cheek and pull him down into a kiss perhaps. His fingers touch something sticky and cold and Shane doesn't even have to look to know what it is. Ryan's gaze flicks down to his hand like he's reading Shane's mind and his face contorts.

"We stained the couch." He comments, matter of factly.

"That we did." Shane deadpans because he honest to God could not care less. Even if Steven will argue with them.

"I'll get a throw pillow before anyone gets here." Ryan offers. "And then we can take it to the dry cleaners, nobody has to know."

"We? I told you to be careful about it." Shane argues, just for the sake of it.

"Well, did you actually do _anything at all_ to not get come all over the couch?"

"First of all, it's one teensy little spot. Second, I was busy having the most mind-boggling orgasm of my life, excuse me if I don't give a shit about the couch at the moment." Shane scoffs, running his hands up and down Ryan's thighs.

"Most mind-boggling orgasm, huh?" Ryan asks, focusing on the wrong detail, as always. That's how all of their banter about the ghosts start.

"Okay, enough of the bragging, Mr. Fuckmachine," Shane says, his brain hasn't stopped being mush still, apparently.

"Dude, please don't ever call me that again."

Ryan complains, scrunching up his nose in distaste, and Shane is only one, very weak man, so he does what he originally planned to and cups his cheek, to press a kiss to the tip of Ryan's nose. It causes him to erupt in wheezes, so Shane goes on, kissing the corner of his mouth. Well, he's just pressing the wide of his grin to Ryan's, but it's enough.

Shane knows they'll do that more often he'll be able to count.

"Can we take the train back to bone town now, because I'm starting to get very uncomfortable here. If you want to, of course." He adds, sweet and understanding as always, the man Shane fell so hard for.

"Absolutely yes, we can hop on the train to bone town but first let me address something." He starts and cuts Ryan off when he opens his mouth to answer. "You do realize that for the number of times you give me shit for saying weird stuff you say just as much as weird, crazy shit as I do? Because I don't think that's quite fair, little guy."

"Takes one to know one. And get influenced by him, I suppose." Ryan says, and Shane decides he had enough of him, so he works his pants down to get a hand around Ryan's dick. That ought to shut him up or coax more beautiful noises out of him at the very least.

And it works marvelously, for the next twenty minutes or so, and after that Shane's lips on his do a good enough job also.

For the next few years, or more, he hopes. 


End file.
